I'm hosting my own server more often and have one player showing up... I imagine a 10-year-old boy. We'll call him Loyo.
Loyo is very enthusiastic about fighting bosses and has a short attention span. I think his heart is in the right place, but he goes around killing everything and leaves resources on the ground. He rarely does any preparation, no armor or helmet, probably because he dies so often he just loses it anyway. Every once in a while, he'll do something great, like build a boat and plant lureplants on it. But he doesn't think about where to put the boat, or often embrace the concept of doing what's best for the team instead of what feels right in the moment.
Yesterday I had to pick the Terrarium up off the ground and say we couldn't put it down again until everyone agreed it was time. That I personally wanted armor, helmet, a decent weapon, and full stats before I would be ready. *Phew*
I then went with him on a boat (entering his world) when in retrospect I should have let him go and spent the time preparing for winter. In another server, a player or two died and went AFK, and the little ghost in my sanity meter kept me insane so that I could hardly do anything besides fight shadow creatures. I kept ahead of the telltale hearts this time, but I could have made even better decisions.
Another player did a nice job farming, shaved some beefalo, killed spiders, and made Winter Hats for everyone and I let her down. Instead of boating to I-don't-know-where without any boat patches, I should have been out finding her a gear for a fridge and 2 shell fragments for a Seed Pack-It and stone for more crock pots and Thermal Stones for everyone to make the most of her labors. Then we all should have been lined up at MacTusk's door on day 21. We returned with cookie cutter shells and enough salt, but that could have waited. If we don't have a better idea, I'll probably talk to Loyo before the game. Go over this paragraph with him and ask for his reaction. Ask him, "What did the team need most during that time?"
I could do better not letting myself get distracted, keeping my eye on the bigger prize, what's best for the group. Focusing more on a leadership role. Set a better example?
How do I communicate with a 10yo? Do I tell him one thing a bunch of times, then another thing a bunch of times later? I've insta-banned people for PvP violence. For anything less serious and immediate, even if I ban him in the end, it's my responsibility to communicate well and give him a chance to change.
Is it condescending to say that DST is a game of preparation? That you spend hours preparing for success in minutes-long battle? That you need to mostly put group needs above your own desires? Or do I just say, "stop that" and "do this now" over and over? Do I need to give him a medium-broad goal? If he could kill the spiders around camp, mostly without dying, and leave a stack each of monster meat, silk, and glands at the camp, that would be really productive and he might like it enough.
Thanks for reading.